To the guy in the car

You: Shiny black luxuryish looking new car stopped right in the crosswalk forcing me to walk in the traffic lanes.
Me: Woman on foot with big plastic pail swinging and “accidentally” whacking your shiny new car.

Sorry ’bout that. I didn’t set out to hit your car, but I didn’t care if I did because you took away my cross walk. I had to walk around your boat, into traffic. Yes, there wasn’t anything coming but that is besides the point. So in the future let’s avoid incidents like this by recognizing there is a place for everything and everything in its place. Cars behind the long solid line. Pedestrians with swinging objects in the crosswalk.

9 thoughts on “To the guy in the car”

  1. That’s why everyone should drive a Ninja Lite-armoured Assualt Vehicle (NLAAV) like mine. It’s impervious to attacks by hand weapons, and resistant to improvised explosive devices and small arms fire (and by small arms, I mean BB guns).

  2. Ninja, my bike is no match for your urban assault vehicle but it is a heavy rusty metal piece of crap with pointy bits and as soon as you hit it, the damage to your truck starts at $200 and goes up. Mechanics and auto body guys ain’t cheap.

  3. Funny, I do the same thing with umbrellas. the objects of my swinging umbrellas are cars who turn right on red right at my feet as I’m crossing the street and have right-of-way. Hey, you put your car in the circumference of my umbrella.

  4. My dad lives in an old, quaint small town in Ohio. Being old and quaint, it’s easy to navigate as a pedestrian, but being in Ohio, most fatties there would rather drive everywhere and have no clue about pedestrian right-of-way. My dad has actually considered carrying around a pocketful of ball bearings to hurl at offending vehicles. I think he’s onto something.

  5. Mari: I think my crankiness is rubbing off on you. Is this why we hang out? Mutual crankiness and premature curmudgeonliness? We should make bets on which one of us gets killed by a road enraged SUV driver on steroids…

    And yes, I can vouch for Marie’s bike being a metallic sandburr meant to lodge in anyone’s fine vehicle.

    If they are in the white stripey zone, especially while on their cell phone, I just stand right by their driver window and stare at them until they move. If they don’t, I make sure to use their car for balance as I navigate my crotchety old curmudgeon body around their car, placing a greasy handprint on their hood.

  6. or maybe faking a trip and accidentally smashing that carton of eggs you’re carrying all over his hood? Worx 4 me!

  7. I once actually walked up to a driver at the corner of NY and Fla. aves. and started shaking my index finger and pointing and yelling. The driver didn’t even see me at first, but the passenger did and got her attention for me. She had Maryland tags and acted all apologetic (“Oh, I’m from the suburbs, I didn’t know that crosswalks were in use here”) through the windshield. But you can believe that fool actually backed up out of the crosswalk! Hah HAH!

    I developed a real ornery streak when I was pregnant though, and I wouldn’t ordinarily endorse acting like a complete lunatic at such a busy intersection…

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