Couple buys house, plans to restore to former glory

Natasha and Boris Petersson will close on a 400 block Florida Ave townhouse today if all goes well. I ran into them as they finished up their final walk through and asked them about their plans. They hope to restore this three storied structure to it’s former glory as a crackhouse.
For over 60 years the property has served as some sort of illegal operation. In the 1930s it was a gin joint, after the repeal of Prohibition the house manufactured artisanal grain liquor that sometimes made customers blind. In the 40s and 50s sales began to include marijuana and other drugs. Drug sales continued out of the house and in the 80s and 90s crack was the main drug. During the crack years the residence served as temporary housing for its customers who sometimes supplemented their income with sex work. In 2005 the house was finally shut down when the property was lost in a tax sale and when the buyers got the city to evict the residents. In 2008 those buyers lost the house in foreclosure, allowing the Peterssons to place a bid.
The Peterssons general plans for restoring the property are to allow their 3 dogs to trample every single blade of grass in the backyard to give back that dirt patch look. They hope to install bare plywood on one of the windows and get the exterior paint to peel. Boris is going to start looking for a empty oil drum so he and Natasha can warm themselves with an outdoor fire in the Fall.

April Fools y’all.